Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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