I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
