I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
