another moral hangover. fuck.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
