how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
