How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
