He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
