I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
