Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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