I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I smell like Dick and happiness
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
