Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Terrible idea I love it
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
