Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
