I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
