He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
