I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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