I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
