Whats the glycemic index on semen?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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