I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Randomize
