NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
