I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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