Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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