WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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