Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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