Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
