I wish my penis had an off switch
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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