tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
