shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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