i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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