and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
