Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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