guys are not supposed to queef...right?
In America we eat man semen.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I licked your asshole in confidence.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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