Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
