Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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