i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
