u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm sobbing to NWA
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
