Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
