Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
