he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
