i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
