Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
