In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
