I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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