So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
