OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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