Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
