hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
