i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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