So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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