Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
