I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
