Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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