I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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