so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
