then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
