your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
