well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
