Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize