their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
