the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Randomize
