Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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