I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
