There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize