just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
