I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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