I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Randomize