smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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