considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize