I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I touched a dick in church today
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
