You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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